Parenting Without a License

So long, farewell...

This blog has meant a lot to me over the years. Between it and my previous diary on iParenting, I have met so many, learned so much, and expanded my horizons.

But all good things must come to an end. Over the past year my posts have become more and more infrequent, and I can't think of anything I want to write about. I update once a day on Twitter, which is linked into my Facebook page -- and that satisfies my urge to talk to the Internet!  

Most of my online buddies are already linked to me through those sites, but if you are not and you want to still chat, you can search by my name of  Facebook, I'm barberjenn on Twitter, or you can email me at barberjenn@yahoo.com.

Thanks so much for reading this blog over the years. I still read blogs (although nowhere near as much as I used to), and I hope we'll stay in touch. I want to find a service that will publish a copy of your blog for you -- do you know any?

But for now, my year end task is to say good-bye to Parenting Without License.

Good-bye!

Inches and Schools (Edited)

Weight -- OK if you are not bored to tears on this subject -- here goes. I was measured at my Crossfit class and I was shocked that I've lost 10 inches!  3 1/2 at my waistline alone. I knew my muffin top was going away, so I was expecting that. Also my bra had to be tightened. But that's all I noticed. The scale still REFUSES to budge -- well, it budged another 1/2 lb so I am down 1 big ol' pound. But when I said I looked like I had gained more than 10 lbs, now you understand what I was talking about. I lost 10 freaking inches on my body and only 1 lb. So I'm keeping on. I'll update again in a month -- I'm not stepping on a scale until then.

Today I volunteered at Sam's school. I always get a bit nervous doing so. You guys know where Sam stands academically so I always leave fretting about the touchy feely way they teach these days. I worry about this way more than I should. They changed the math curriculum this year so there can be more than one right answer. In math!!!  Because if kids work hard and can explain how they got there, apparently it doesn't matter if they did it right. They eliminated spelling tests because apparently there are studies that show that correcting spelling leads to low self esteem and poor spelling later in life. I'd like to see how tight that connection is in whatever study they quote. We are getting new report cards this year that no longer grade kids on academics. Apparently they place objective evaluations on such things as "overcoming adversity" and "enthusiasm for life." Today is parent teacher interviews -- kids have to there as well because they don't want the kids to be left out of the process. So try and talk about issues with your kid while he's there!  Also -- report cards (such as they are) don't come out for two more weeks as they didn't want these interviews to be focused on classroom results. GAH!  This is province-wide, by the way, for the public school system, so it's not like changing public schools would fix anything.

So my focus is on how Sam can best achieve. And as it should be, he's my kid. But today when I went there I was given three of the grade three kids (he's in a 2/3 split classroom) and told to help them with their (quasi)math exercises.  The reason I had to go with them is because none of them can read. Or write. Or as I found out -- do math. They scribbled down some unintelligible words and they got incorrect answers for ALL the questions. So I don't know how they "correct" that. Or do they?  These are not special needs kids. Well, not in the truest sense of the words. They don't have classroom aids or diagnosed learning disabilities. For all I worry how Sam will be challenged in this new way of learning, I don't know how these kids will learn anything -- even the basic skills one needs to survive.

I spoke with his teacher (who is great, and has been very supportive of Sam's extra needs) about it and she said that these kids get ZERO support at home. Their parents won't do their home reading with them (the school has eliminated homework as it's too much pressure on the kids, all they have to do is read 20 minutes a day and log their reading). These kids never ever read a book. And I think your home life is so important -- trust me I am not minimizing the role of the parent. But shouldn't they have learned SOMETHING in 3 1/2 years of school?

It all just left me with a knot in my stomach. It was hard and frustrating to see them struggle. I worry that the whole public school system is almost following an "unschooling" approach to some extent which is a concept I wholeheartedly disagree with. But to send Sam somewhere else -- well to go to private school I'd have to go back to work full time and the good Charter school is a 30 minute drive each way (no busing). Then where would Tess fall in?  I always get asked "is Tess like Sam?" The short answer is no, not in any way:)  But I know they are talking about academics. And the answer is still no. There is no doubt Tess is bright -- she has recently moved from reading words to reading books -- she has a collection she can read cover to cover and she loves to sit in her glider in her room and read them out loud. And she doesn't start kindergarten until next fall. But she's more what you'd call a bright kid whereas Sam, well Sam is different. While throwing up a few weeks ago, he stopped, wiped his mouth and decreed that while throwing up he figured out how to divide by 15 from 500 down and here's how it goes. Sam thinks academic thoughts while throwing up. And while doing most everything else.

I honestly never thought of the public school system the way we've been forced to over the past couple of years, and even today in Sam's class. I just am not at all sure that it is doing any kid, at any level, any justice.

Edited: A couple of you asked about the gifted program. It's the one that's 30 minutes away. So that would be two hours of driving a day to take him there.  And then, how would I get Tess to our local school on time/pick her up as we aren't bused here either. And to take two hours a day out of my workday would make things tight. So hard. Even his current school that Sam would rock in that program -- he scored higher on testing than any of the kids currently in that program! But I don't even know if we can send him as we live outside the city now.  But when I read the characteristics of a gifted kid on their site.  Sheesh! (http://www.gatecalgary.ca/character-identification-characteristics.aspx)

Demoralized

OK -- seriously folks. 1/2 a pound. Half a freaking pound.

Let's go over the past three weeks shall we? I worked out HARD 5 days. Then threw up my guts with a gastro (I may be immune to colds and flues but I get every freaking gastro around). Didn't eat for three days. Yes I missed a week's worth of work outs  because we were all sick, so I extended my cookie hiatus for another week. Worked out three more times HARD. Eyed the Halloween bowl and had one mini Caramilk and that's it.

All for a loss of 1/2 a lb.

I almost cried at the gym this morning. Next week they're going to measure me and see how many inches I've lost. Because right now I am not sure why I am killing myself this way. Obviously cookies aren't the issue. So what is?

I am at a loss and I feel like acting like a three year old and pouting.

I am not amused. 

In the wiggle world

For any new readers (which would be shocking given my poor blogging skills of late), let me recap for you. Always a little heavy if not truly overweight, I finally lost 33 lbs in the six months after I had Tess.  I quickly gained three of those pounds back after I weaned, and I figured that -30 weight was perfect for me. Everything fit right, no rollie pollies -- all fine and dandy.  But in the following year I gained 7 more. Not great, but I didn't have the energy to deal with it (I would try on occasion, lose 5 lbs and gain them right back). Then by the time I went to Florida earlier this year I was up 10 lbs. Blech!  And to be honest, I look like I weighed more. I hadn't worked out in a year, and everything was wiggly and jiggly.

I decided this summer, after seeing all of my ill fitting summer clothes, and pictures of me with muffin tops and other assorted bulges, that I should do something about it. The biggest thing I needed to do was exercise. I knew that. I know that. But I HATE exercise. Really -- I don't enjoy it at all. So I looked into all sorts of options and came up with a Plan. Note the capital P. I decided to vary what I was doing, and vary the locations. Where possible I wanted to exercise with a friend. And I knew I had to get out of my excuse-filled house.

So here's the Plan. I joined a Masters Swim club. We swim twice a week under the direction of a coach. I joined Crossfit twice a week, because to be honest I am a fan of muscle exhausting workouts -- I am not being sarcastic here.  And I signed up for a once a week Zumba class because I love to dance.

And it's working -- it's been six weeks and the only class I missed was because of travel. I am enjoying it, mostly. The swimming is amusing, I have never been a swimmer and it's kind of neat to find out how to swim better and more efficiently. I am in the slow lane with the, um, more mature members but I am OK with that. The Crossfit kills me. I frequently can't sit, stand or lift my hands over my head after a workout, but I can feel my muscles working which is good. The Zumba is a great cardio workout and it is a lot of fun -- I just wish it wasn't at night.  Three weeks in I cut off all of my hair because all this working out and washing hair and spending thirty minutes drying it was killing me. It's now at 5 minute drying-time length.

But where it's not working is that I have lost zero weight. Not a pound. Hell, not even an ounce. Yes I have lost lots of inches, and I know that's great (muscle weighs more than fat, yadda, yadda). I look like I've lost weight. But seriously guys -- not even ONE OUNCE!  This is very frustrating. So now I am having to look at my diet which I really am not interested in. I know meals aren't a big issue. We rarely ever eat out and I cook healthy meals almost every day of the week. I know about portions from weight watchers. 

It's the damn cookies.

My weakness is snacking. I love to bake and as I work from home, my baked goods are easily accessed in my freezer. I am eating a couple of cookies a day. Yes, they are healthier than some other processed indulgences, but still not good. I went over my diet with my trainer today and he wants me to cut out all baked goods for two weeks. Entirely. He says he knows that's not sustainable but he wants to see if we can jump start my metabolism by cutting back on some of the sugar.  He weighed me today (NOT ONE OUNCE) and we'll try again in two weeks. 

I hope I can do this. I have found myself craving cookies all day. I need my fix. But as much as I know all of this exercise is good for me, let's face it I am superficial at heart and I want to look good too! 

Now, off to have an apple.  Sigh.

Photo Shoot

A couple of weeks ago we were approached by the mom of one of Sam's friends to participate as subjects in a photo mentoring session.  In her email she worried that she was inconveniencing us -- but that she wanted to use the kids and the playhouse in the session. INCONVENIENCING US??  Not in the least! I love her style, she's unique and fun -- exactly what I would want in photos. I was literally giddy about the prospect.

So here's a link to her blog and a few of the photos. I love the effect the fish eye lens had  on the playhouse. There's a whole lot of things I love about these pictures. I don't love that Sam still had his shark tooth -- but she did some Photoshop dentistry on some of my favorite ones and now he has the gap-tooth look we see today.

If you don't follow me on Twitter -- here's the link. And if you live in the Calgary area -- you really need to give Dana a call.  Really.

Short and Sweet Photography

p.s. the dental surgery was a dream. He was only out for a few minutes and he was convinced he wasn't put out at all. It was only when I pointed out that his mouth was frozen and he didn't have any memory of needles that he believed me!  But the recovery was a non-issue.  He wouldn't even take Advil for pain, he said it didn't hurt. HIs two front teeth have started to grow in in the normal place.  YAY!

Holy issues

Last night Sam started with Beavers. It basically encompasses everything Sam-like. Camping, crafts, outings. And Badges!  You can earn!  You can work for!  Did I mention the badges (although I think they are called crests in Beavers)!

Anyway -- he has been looking forward to this above every other fall activity. Last night was the first night and from what I am told, he had a blast. A parent was to attend with them and since it would never, ever occur to me to do something like winter camping -- Beavers is Doug's assigned task. 

However Doug came back with a parenting dilemma. Now I know that Scouts is a Christian organization. I have no problem with that. I may not be a Christian but it's not that I think there's anything wrong with that (their position on Gay leaders makes me cringe, but I believe in change through engagement!). 

Anyway.

The Beaver pledge includes a pledge to God. Again, nothing wrong with that. I wish it wasn't there, yes, but only because I know it is one definition of God. But Sam apparently told everyone that would listen that he didn't believe in God.

Hmm. Didn't know that. Doug and I believe in God, but we've never had a discussion on the subject with the kids. So Doug suggested I have a chat with Sam (how this stuff falls to me I'll never know).

So I asked him -- why don't you believe in God? He said that's because people think that God causes floods and volcanos and that he created the world and he doesn't believe that. He believes in science.

Geez, this was not a discussion I was expecting to have with my 7 year old.

So I said that that was just one person's perception of God, and that there were many different beliefs out there, but basically believing in a God is believing in something bigger than ourselves. I also brought up this "spirit world" that Sam has developed (his version on heaven), where people and animals go when they die. I said that God would basically be the caretaker of the spirit world. He seemed to buy that.

I also told him that God and science are not mutually exclusive. You could believe that God created the conditions that caused the Big Bang. Or that God created the people who make scientific discoveries. I said that believing in God didn't mean you couldn't believe in other things.  So he seemed comfortable defining his vision of God.

But after that I took the discussion another step further and this is something I am not so sure about. I talked to him about respect, and that if you are in another group's "home," it is not respectful to tell everyone and anyone that you don't believe in their values. I said I didn't want him to say something he didn't believe, but a pledge is a promise and he has to be comfortable saying the words if he wants to stay a Beaver. He agreed -- but I am afraid he thought he was being punished for question a belief in God. 

But like I said, I am not entirely comfortable with this. Should I have made him conform to the pledge to remain a member?  Am I overthinking this? I swear, this stuff is WAY deeper than I thought that Scouts would be!

 

To flu shot or not to flu shot

I am not a big fan of the flu shot.  I can see getting one if you have a compromised immune system, or if you work with the public a lot, or even if you are one of those people who get taken down hard by the flu. I know the medical experts swear by it, actively encourage/guilt trip about it, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.  But I have a hard time with the "shot in a dark" aspect of it all. They really don't know what strain of the flu is going to cause problems in any given year, and the problematic flus never seem to be part of the flu vaccine that year. 

I'll tell you right now that Doug gets one every year.  He is one of those people who is sometimes sick all winter, and he'll do anything not to be that way. I've had the flu shot twice. Once, when Sam was first in day care and we were getting colds left right and center (when I never get colds), and I thought it prudent. One other time we all got it when we were visiting my mom during flu season.

I am not prone to the flu, and neither are my kids.  In fact, the only time I can remember, and the only time Sam and Tess have gotten the flu, are the two years we got the shots.  And we got the flu bad. Three of us were hospitalized, me with double pneumonia (both times), Tess with severe dehydration, Sam with a high fever that wouldn't go down.  Now, I know you can't get the flu from a flu shot.  But I have a (totally non-medical, unproven) theory. Like I said before I NEVER get colds and flus.  I haven't had a cold probably in five years.  Despite that crazy first year of daycare, Sam only gets colds once in a blue moon. I think we have a really good natural immunity to colds and flus and somehow the flu shot messes that balance up. I could be wrong, and probably am. But that feels right. So I can tell you now we're not getting the generic flu shot this year.

But.

And there's always a but.

H1N1. A very overblown, panic inducing non-news story. A very mild flu. But, it has spread like wildfire. It's insane how this pandemic became a global reality almost overnight. And from what I read, it is very likely a second wave will strike this fall/winter. And it's not behaving like a typical flu. There's the virulence for one thing, and the fact that the people who have been taken down are often young and healthy. There are some scary theories about the flu mutating, or getting tougher to beat when people are down with the usual colds and flus of winter.

The Canadian government has secured enough of the H1N1 vaccine for 1 1/2 times the population of the country. So we should have no trouble getting the shot. I don't want to, but I almost think I should.  This is not a shot in the dark -- this is a proven, fast spreading flu. My kids go to school, we are out and about a lot. I almost think I have a public health responsibility to try and keep this strain at bay if at all possible.

What are your plans for the H1N1 vaccine?  Will you get it on top of the regular flu shot?  Will you get it at all?  Do we have a responsibility as a community to keep fast spreading (if mild so far) viruses at bay when we can?

Beautifying the fishbowl

When we moved here a little over two years ago, our yard consisted of a giant pile of dirt.  Like many new homes we didn't have sod, but we live at a bottom of a hill and they basically piled tonnes of dirt in our yard. We have a small yard, with houses all around us.  Like this:

But we wanted to create an oasis.  So we enlisted the skills of a landscape designer. She came up with a great plan which would have put us in the poorhouse if we had it completed by a landscaper.  So we decided to build it all ourselves.

And seriously -- we (mostly Doug!) has put a tremendous amount of sweat equity into this yard. First we had a bobcat level half the backyard and Doug built the fence because we had kids and dogs and needed that in right away. But that was a mistake.  We have wrought iron gates to the front which weren't  big enough to get a bobcat through.  So everything else had to be done manually.  From taking hundreds and hundreds of wheelbarrow loads of fill out, to moving hundreds and hundred of stones for the retaining wall and patio. To bringing every tree and plant around from the front of the house. To bring a tonne of gravel back for under the patio, deck and wall.  It was all done by hand. 

So we built a retaining wall, deck, patio, shed and playhouse. All by hand, all using plans we found online that we liked.  No kits at all. We sodded and built gardens and a square foot vegetable garden and planted trees. And now the backyard is done!  We are waiting for a proper sandbox cover (a nice canvas one with grommets) and we need patio furniture still, but that's it. I think we made good use of a small space.  Here is the end result:

We have the front yard finished and next year we are building walkways and gardens up the sides of the house.  It's our own little home made patch of green. 

Big deadline, will be back soon

We just got back from a week's holiday and I have two days left to meet the deadline for a major project and I am procrastinating like you wouldn't believe. 

So what's new with you:)

But I did want to let you know that I am alive and well. My blogging is getting more and more sporadic, and I am trying to decide if I should keep it up or not. It seems like I keep up with most folks on Twitter or Facebook.  OK I am having a sense of deja vu.  Did I already mention this inner turmoil?  Well if I did, I am still wondering.

In the meantime, some vacation photos. We rented a cottage next to our good friends on a lake in the BC interior.  It was insanely hot (high 30sC, around 100F) every single day.  Which is nice but in a non-air conditioned cottage it was a bit much. I kept hearing about how at least it cools off in the mountains overnight, but let me tell you those people lie!!  But we had a terrific time nonetheless.  Here are a few photos of the trip until I finish this project.

Stickler??

Here's a question for you.  Do you think that kids should have to dress "appropriately" for an event. Or should we let kids be kids and lighten the hell up?

I hate to say it, but I think I lean in the dictatorial direction. Sam entirely dresses himself and since all he wears are jeans and ts -- there's no clothing shockers there.  He still lets me buy his clothes, and I don't think he gives a care about clothes.  Tess mostly dresses herself and she LOVES to match.  Even her underwear.  So mostly she looks put together, but I will confess I did teach her how to match clothes and I do have some rules (no PJs outside of the house, has to be seasonally appropriate). But I don't ask her to change, even if she clashes.

But I know lots of parents who give their kids a lot more freedom with clothing choices.  And it's not that I think that's wrong at all -- it's just not my thing.  I see kids in their nightgowns and princess costumes, or in a plaid t, plaid shorts and plaid shirt -- in a cornucopia of colours. It's cute and amusing - I actually like to see what their little minds can come up with.  I just don't think it would occur to my kids to do that. 

But what about if the occasion demands a certain style?  Tess recently had her year end "gala" at preschool.  All the classes are together so there's close to 100 kids. They rent a local theatre, they sing a dozen songs in three languages.  There are still lots of kids picking their noses and lifting their skirts above their heads, but it is a big production.  All the teachers dress semi-formal, all the parents are asked to dress nicely, as are the kids.

As you might expect there were kids in everything from a kiddie tux to khakis and shirts.  From poofy prom-like dresses to simple sundresses.  But even with all that range it would all be classified as their "good" clothes.  Then one boy shows up in Batman Underroos and a Batman cape. I overheard the mother say, "oh when I told him he had to dress up he assumed I meant in costume and I couldn't get him to change."

What did she mean she couldn't get him to change???  She's the parent. I don't get it.  I assume she meant she didn't want the fuss of getting him to change, but you know what, this is one time where I think that she should have put her foot down. It was inappropriate and I thought it was disrespectful for the facility and the teachers who put in all the work. Yes I know this is preschool -- but the school makes a big deal out of this and I think if you attend you should respect their wishes.

What do you think?  Am I being ridiculous?  Should kids be able to reflect their fashion independence at all times? What is your clothing policy?